The Awakening

My novel The Awakening has recently been published, but already the printing of it has been stopped. Apparantly, the theme of female sexuality is too scandalous for my time. The Awakening is the story of a woman named Edna Pontellier, who is desperately searching for an escape from her life. She is trapped in a marriage she does not belong in, with children she cannot take care of. Everyone expects her to be someone she is not. Women these days are too afraid to admit that they feel the same way as Edna. I was not afraid to admit this. What people may not know is that I am Edna. I based her character off of my own experiences and emotions. The one difference is that Edna had to succumb to the depths of the ocean to finally find freedom, while my writing has set me free.

At Fault

Today, my first novel, At Fault, was published. It is a story about the grief of widowhood. I decided since I knew much about widowhood from my own experiences, I would write this novel with realistic and passionate emotions.

"If It Might Be"

Today is a very exciting day! My first published work has appeared in a Chicago periodical called America. It is a love poem titled "If It Might Be". I enjoy writing poetry very much, but now I am working on short stories and novels.

Death

Today, my husband died. The doctor said he had swamp fever. Death has been a recurring theme in my life. I suppose now I will go back to St. Louis to be with my mother. I must work even harder on my writing to support my children, for now I am all on my own.

Children

My sweet children mean the world to me. The last of them, Lelia, has just been born. There is also Jean, Oscar Charles, George Francis, Frederick, and Felix Andrew. They are all lively, spontaneous, and sometimes a bit out of control. I cannot bring myself to punish them; they need to live freely.

My writing is blossoming, and I am working on various pieces. Sometimes, I need to be alone with my writing, so I let my children go off on their own. I may not be the most strict mother, but I love my children very much.

Marriage

“I dressed for my marriage - went to church and found myself married before I could think what I was doing”

I am now nineteen years old, and I have just been married. It seems as if everyone around me expected me to get married, so I did. It all happened so fast. He is a Frenchman, and a dashing one, certainly, but I am not sure if I am in love. Perhaps I do not know what love really is.

Littlest Rebel

Today was a very interesting day. Ever since we sent my brother, George, to fight for the Confederates, I have hated the Union "Yanks". This morning, I saw a Union flag on my porch. Naturally, I had to tear it down; they had no right to put their flag on my house! When the Yanks came back, I would not return their flag, so they decided to arrest me. I am just a young girl and they actually arrested me! My neighbor, Dr. Charles W. Stevens, testified on my behalf that I was not a "dangerous person", and I was released. The word around town is that I am St. Louis's "Littlest Rebel". The nicknames do not bother me. No Yanks are going to boss me around.

Not-so-perfect Girl

"I dance with people I despise ... return home at day break with my brain in a state which was never intended for it ... . I am diametrically opposed to parties and balls; and yet when I broach the subject-they either laugh at me-imagining that I wish to perpetrate a joke; or look very serious, shake their heads and tell me not to encourage such silly notions."

I do not want to be a debutante. I hate when I have to go to parties or concerts. I would much rather be in my room reading and writing. Why does everyone expect me to be a perfect young lady?

Kitty

It's been two years since my father's death. I am now attending the St. Louis Academy of Sacred Heart. I like this school because my teachers are all women who tell me that I can be an influential person in this world. Mrs. O'Meara suggested that I keep a journal. Someday, if I become a great writer, I'll have to thank her.
The other day in school, I met a girl named Kitty Garesche. She is so much fun to be around. There aren't many girls my age who would rather play outside than get all dressed up, but Kitty likes to do tomboyish activities with me. I think we are going to be great friends!

Tragic Beginnings

Today, my father died. He was on a train on its journey over the Gasconade Bridge, which collapsed. Being one of the founders of the Pacific Railroad, my father was a very important man. Now, I no longer have any man in my life to look up to.

But mother tells me not to worry. Soon, my great-grandmother, Madame Victoire Verdon Charleville, will come to live with us. My mother tells me she is unlike many woman of her generation because she is literate and self-educated. I hope that someday, I will be intelligent like her.